how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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