My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
