No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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