First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I believe in your delicious
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
