why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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