Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
