They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
