My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
this is an emotional support booty call
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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