I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
