just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
where are my eyebrows?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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