epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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