talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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