Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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