My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize