Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
