Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
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You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize