I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
