there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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