I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
