smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I will pee on everything he values.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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