is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
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i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
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I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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