so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
