We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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