Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
