Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just gift wrapped bread.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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