Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
