...so i touched it.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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