Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
