Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
