sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
