A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
