I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
its liver damage thursday
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
