I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
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Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
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id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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