even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
