just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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