I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
my liver is dry heaving
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
