so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
