you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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