i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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