I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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