Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
