brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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