my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
