There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
