i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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