hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
