oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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