I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
