Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He shit in the fireplace
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
