Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
