just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize