Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Drunk is not a location!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
