in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
