why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
