TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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