I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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