If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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