Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
